


Rosario + Vampire drabbles

by KB9VCN



Category: Rosario + Vampire
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-07-01
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2018-05-28 17:46:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 3,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6339127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Published 1-Jul-2008; humor; 100 words.</p><p>For the <a href="http://31-days.livejournal.com/"><strong>31_days</strong></a> "<a href="http://31-days.livejournal.com/1685108.html">_____ is the sign of a stable mind</a>" prompt.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Cool Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Jul-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[_____ is the sign of a stable mind](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1685108.html)" prompt.

Moka watched Tsukune move the Newspaper Club's computer away from a wall. "What are you doing?" Moka asked.

"I'm just making sure this computer has adequate ventilation," Tsukune said.

"Good idea," Moka said. "Computers can fail or run poorly if they overheat."

Tsukune nodded. "I've even heard of computers with super-cooled processors that make them faster and more powerful."

Moka frowned, and pointed at an adjacent table. Mizore had been stalking Tsukune from under the table, but the snow-woman's attention had wandered, and her eyes had glazed over.

"On the other hand," Tsukune said nervously, "processors can also 'freeze up'."


	2. Sucker Sucker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Jul-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[sharing pains and not joys](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1685108.html)" prompt.

"I have extra candy," Mizore said, holding up a lollipop to Tsukune. "Would you like one?"

"Well, sure. Thanks." Tsukune unwrapped the lollipop and licked it. "Uh... My tongue ith thtuck. Thith thing ith threezing cold."

"I froze it on purpose," the snow-woman said. She held Tsukune's head in her hands, and purposely froze her own tongue to the other side of the lollipop.

"Ithn't thith romantic, Thukune?" asked Mizore, gazing deeply into Tsukune's eyes.

"No," an embarrassed and weirded-out Tsukune said.

And then, a mortified Moka and a furious Kurumu walked up.

"Oh, thith ith gonna thuck," Tsukune said.


	3. Ice Ickle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Aug-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[these hands made of splinters](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1720454.html)" prompt.

An annoyed Mizore and an aghast Moka watched Kurumu shamelessly drape herself over Tsukune in the newspaper club-room.

As Mizore grew angry, her hands slowly grew long razor-sharp icicles. "Mizore!" cried Moka. "You're not going to start a fight in school, are you!?"

"No," Mizore said. "Cover your ears." She turned away and dragged her icicles across a classroom blackboard with horrible screeching noises.

Everybody else in the club-room held their hands to their heads and screamed in agony. "You INHUMAN MONSTER!!" Kurumu yelled at Mizore.

"I know I am," Mizore said calmly, "and so are you. What's your point?"


	4. A Dish Best Served Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Dec-2008; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[let snow and silence mark the site of my unseemly appetite](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1912785.html)" prompt.

Tsukune had reluctantly accepted and opened a box lunch from Mizore. "Uh, Mizore?" he said. "This is a box of snow and ice cubes."

"I froze it myself, this morning," the snow-woman said proudly. "Eat it up before it gets warm!"

"Humans do like crushed flavored ice for a treat," Tsukune said, "but we usually don't make full meals of nothing but ice and snow."

Mizore's face fell. "Does that mean... you don't like my food?..." she asked sadly.

"Ah." A considerate Tsukune gave Mizore a reassuring smile and reached for a spoon. "I didn't say that, now, did I?"


	5. South For The Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Feb-2009; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days_exchnge**](http://31-days-exchnge.livejournal.com/) "first snow of August" prompt.

"Tsukune?" said Mizore. "I'm going to spend my summer break in the human world."

"Really? said Tsukune. "That's great. Where exactly are you going?"

"Antarctica," Mizore said happily. "It'll be at its coldest in July and August."

Tsukune blinked. "...oh. Well, I suppose a _yukionna_ like you would enjoy that."

"Would you like to come with me?" Mizore asked hopefully.

"No," Tsukune said flatly.

"Why not?" Mizore asked sadly.

"Because," Tsukune said patiently, "it's REALLY COLD, and I would DIE!!"

"I wish you could see it," Mizore said wistfully. "It's so distant and beautiful, like an alien world of ice and snow. The ice on the ground glitters like diamonds. The winter nights last for weeks, and the sky is so clear, the stars gleam as if they're within reach. And when the borealis appears, it's as if the night itself is on fire."

"Wow," said Tsukune. "When you describe it like that, it sounds great."

"It'd be so romantic to see it alone with you," Mizore said seductively. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to come with me?"

"Yes," Tsukune said flatly.

"But why not?" Mizore asked sadly.

"Because," Tsukune said patiently, "it's REALLY COLD, and I would DIE!!"


	6. Cold Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Jul-2010; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[thought my mom sat on you](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.

"I need to talk to you," Mizore said to Tsukune, as she pushed him down into a chair. "My mother is visiting the school today. Has she been flirting with you?"

"Uh, no," said Tsukune, as Mizore sat in his lap uninvited. "Why would your own mother do that? Does she often try to steal your boyfr— er, your friends from you?"

"As you know, the women of my tribe must marry young," the cuddly but ice-cold _yukionna_ said. "But more than that, we all desire the... 'warmth' of male companionship."

"Suh- so I've nuh- noticed," a shivering Tsukune said.


	7. Monster Thrills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Mar-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[take every chance, drop every fear](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.

"So," Kurumu asked Tsukune, as Mizore spaced out nearby. "Are all humans as boring as you, or do other humans ever do any exciting things in the human world?"

Tsukune ignored Kurumu's teasing. "Well, I knew someone who liked hang-gliding. Flying without an engine would be..."

He trailed off as Kurumu the winged succubus looked at him askance.

Tsukune cleared his throat. "Uh... I also knew someone who did a 'Polar Bear Plunge' and went swimming in... winter..."

He trailed off again as Mizore the _yukionna_ looked at him askance.

"Nope," Tsukune said. "All humans are as boring as me."


	8. Cold As A Witch's Bit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Apr-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[druids, witches, sorcerers, wise women](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3181743.html)" prompt.

Mizore walked up to Tsukune, wearing [a robe and wizard hat](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-put-on-my-robe-and-wizard-hat). "What's the occasion?" Tsukune asked.

"I realized that you must like witches best," Mizore said, "since you have two witches in your harem."

"I don't have a— oh, never mind. So, what kind of witch are you?"

"Since you have a 'cute' witch in Yukari and a 'sexy' witch in Ruby," said Mizore, "I'll be your 'cool' witch. Allow me to demonstrate."

She waved her hand as if she were casting a spell, and effortlessly encased Tsukune in a block of ice.

"Thu- this IS cuh- cool," Tsukune agreed.


	9. Let Us Iceberg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-May-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[like the moon descends into the lake sometimes](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.

"Did you hear about the iceberg?" Tsukune asked Mizore. "It's so large, and drifted so far south, that it's visible from the academy."

"Wouldn't it be wonderful to ride it back out to sea?" Mizore said wistfully.

"Um... no?" Tsukune said nervously.

"We could have a tragic romance," Mizore said melodramatically. "Two doomed lovers, forced closer and closer together as the ice shrinks... and as we grow weak under the burning sun, we fall into each other's arms... sharing one last kiss as we sink below the waves..."

"That does sound romantic," Tsukune said dryly, "EXCEPT for ALL OF IT!!"


	10. Idiot See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[not what he seems](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.

Mizore had struck up a rare conversation with an unusually friendly classmate.

"I couldn't help but notice how you watch Tsukune all the time," the girl said. "He must be really special."

"I am completely in love with him," Mizore admitted, "but he's an average student. Actually, he's kind of an idiot."

The girl frowned. "Really? He's not athletic, and he's awkward and shy. I thought he was really smart, and maybe even concealing his intelligence."

"He may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you," Mizore said. "[He really is an idiot.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td3p2XKHP2M&t=55s)"


	11. Heartbreaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Jul-2016; horror?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I could never break your heart](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains descriptions of graphic violence. Reader discretion is advised.

"I know that you're obsessed with me, although I don't know why," Tsukune said to Mizore. "But how do I know that, if I let you have your way, you wouldn't just break MY heart?"

"I could never break your heart, Tsukune," said Mizore. "If it came to that, I would merely rip your heart right out of your ribcage with my bare hands, FREEZE it, and then throw it on the floor and SHATTER it—"

Mizore paused. "Wait a minute... that WOULD be breaking your heart after all, wouldn't it? Well, never mind."

"NEVER MIND!?" a terrified Tsukune cried.


	12. Blue In The Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a dream is just a nightmare with lipstick](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.

"How do you like the lipstick I'm wearing today?" Kurumu asked Mizore.

"It's very... blue," Mizore noted.

"I was in a punk mood, and I think it goes with my hair," Kurumu bubbled. "Come to think of it, you'd look good in blue too."

"OK," Mizore said. The _yukionna_ casually lowered her body temperature until her lips turned a bright blue.

Kurumu shivered for multiple reasons. "Well, there you go. It's a natural shade for you."

"Would you like me to share this 'natural' shade with you?' Mizore asked.

"No thank you please do not freeze my face," Kurumu whimpered.


	13. World Ending At Ten O'Clock, Film At Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[film at eleven](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.

Tsukune was surprised to find Mizore hard at work in the newspaper club-room. "What's up?" he asked her.

"I've got a major scoop," Mizore said happily. "There's another conspiracy to attack the academy tomorrow."

"Uh, Mizore?" said Tsukune. "You do remember that we publish on Wednesdays, right?"

"Yes," an annoyed Mizore said. "What's your point?"

"Well, today is Monday," Tsukune said.

"Yes..."

"Which means tomorrow is TUESDAY."

"Yes..."

Tsukune stared at Mizore expectantly.

And then, Mizore's face lit up. "OH," she said.

_She's a good person,_ Tsukune thought to himself, _but sometimes she isn't the sharpest snowflake in the blizzard._


	14. Lollipopped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[provocative maintenance](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains a sharp pain between the eyes. Reader discretion is advised.

"I know that your lollipops help you keep cool," Tsukune asked, "but how do they work, exactly?"

"The more I lick, the cooler I get. Like this..." Mizore proceeded to lick her lollipop for Tsukune in an entirely inappropriate manner.

"Er, Mizore?" said Tsukune. "That's enough—"

"OWWWIE!!" Mizore clutched at her poor head. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow..."

"What's wrong!?" an alarmed Tsukune asked.

"I'm OK," Mizore gasped. "I just cooled myself down way too fast."

"If that thing gave YOU an 'ice cream headache'," Tsukune thought out loud, "you must have licked it down to near ABSOLUTE ZERO."


	15. Party In Aisle 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Oct-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[which or witch?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[My favorite aisle at Home Depot](http://imgur.com/7mFSU)."
> 
> I've been saving this one for my "15"th R+V drabble. (A R+V drabble without Mizore? Alert the media!) This Ruby is a mix of anime-Ruby ("a lot of things happened") and manga-Ruby (the masochist).
> 
> This contains exactly what you think... you pervert. Reader discretion is advised.

Tsukune was running errands back in the human world. He entered a hardware store, and was unsurprised to find Ruby working there.

"A 'lot of things happened' again?" Tsukune asked.

"Yes... a lot of things happened," Ruby said predictably. "* _ahem_ * Can I help you?"

"Er, yes, I'm looking for—" Tsukune started to say.

"Some ROPE? Or perhaps some ZIPTIES?" Ruby said while crossing her wrists. "And don't forget the DUCT TAPE."

"Three-In-One household oil, please," Tsukune said.

"Certainly. We also carry a wide variety of LUBRICANTS," Ruby purred. "I'd be DELIGHTED to demonstrate them PERSONALLY."

"RAIN CHECK, PLEASE," Tsukune said.


	16. Skeleton Keyed Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Oct-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[skeleton keys](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tsukune found a Mizore in his closet. "Good morning," Mizore said sweetly.

"I could've sworn I locked the door," Tsukune said to himself.

Mizore held up a skeleton key made of ice. "I opened it with DEEP LOVE."

"It's rude to violate others' privacy," said Tsukune. "Everyone has skeletons in their closet."

"Well, *I* don't," Mizore said. "I KNOW some skeletons. They've NEVER been in MY closet!"

"I didn't mean that literally," Tsukune said.

"But if they were," Mizore added, "their sexual orientation is none of my business anyway!"

"I don't even know what you're talking about anymore," Tsukune noted.


	17. Fat Chance Of Skinny Dipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Nov-2016; horror/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I should have kissed you by the water](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3266685.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains grim creepy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Mizore had dragged Tsukune along on a walk through wooded areas near the academy.

They walked up to a running creek. "Look, Tsukune," said Mizore. "Let's go swimming."

"We didn't bring swimsuits," Tsukune said.

Mizore began to pull up her blouse. "We don't need swimsuits, silly!"

"We don't?" Tsukune asked nervously.

"I have a fantasy about going skinny-dipping with you," the _yukionna_ said. "I pull you under and embrace you— and then, I FREEZE the water SOLID around us so that we can be together FOREVER."

Mizore pulled off her blouse, and then looked around her. "Tsukune? Where'd you go?"


	18. I Melt With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Dec-2016; angst/humor?/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[everything will pass, but that's why it's beautiful](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3272715.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Tsukune and a melancholy Mizore were picking their way through shallow gray patches of snow melting at the end of winter.

"You must hate to watch snow melt," Tsukune said sympathetically.

"It reminds me of how my tribe will melt away and disappear," the _yukionna_ said sadly, "if my generation is unable to find mates."

Tsukune smiled awkwardly. "Aw, c'mon, Mizore," he said. "That's not fair."

"I can't help it," Mizore said as she clung to his arm and sniffled. "YOU were the one who melted my heart."

Tsukune was dangerously near tears himself. "That's REALLY unfair," he said weakly.


	19. Keeping Him On Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Jan-2017; horror?/humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[amongst the monsters I am well-hidden](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3284216.html)" prompt.

Tsukune ran up to Mizore near the womens' residence hall. "HELP!!" he cried. "The Security Committee is after me!!"

"Come with me." Mizore took his hand, led him into her room, and locked the door behind her.

"Thanks," Tsukune said in relief. "Sorry to intrude. I'll just hide in here until the coast is clear."

"Oh, I don't THINK so," the _yukionna_ purred. "Now that I've FINALLY got you in my room, all to myself, why would I EVER LET YOU GO AGAIN?"

_Out of the frying pan and into the fire— or rather, the FREEZER_ , a terrified Tsukune thought.


	20. Not Free This Weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Jan-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a witch without love was dangerous](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3284216.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains kinky adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kurumu and Mizore were chatting over a Saturday lunch. "Do you know where Ruby is?" Kurumu asked. "I haven't seen her today."

"Actually," Mizore said, "I locked her up in chains and manacles, and froze the keys in a huge block of ice. She won't be able to free herself until the ice melts."

"WHAT!? WHY!?" an alarmed Kurumu cried. "Did she threaten to go on another rampage!?"

"Nah," Mizore said casually. "She ASKED me to. She's into kinky stuff like that, you know."

"...oh," Kurumu said.

"Want me to 'do' you next weekend?" Mizore asked.

"...yeah, alright," Kurumu said.


	21. Ice Dispense Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Feb-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[my fingers are cold, won't you please take me home?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3295603.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild cruel humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Two male students were returning to their residence hall for another year at Yokai Academy.

"Aw man," one student said. "It looks like we got the room next to the noisy ice machine."

"What are you talking about?" the other student said. "This isn't a hotel. There's no ice machine."

The first student pointed at Mizore, who was kneeling before Tsukune's door and scratching at it like a lost kitten.

"Dude's gotta be cold to lock out a girl like that," the second student said.

"She's a _yukionna_ ," the first student said. "He'd be colder if he let her in."


	22. Slip Slidin' Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Mar-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[even if you fall on your face you're still moving forward!](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3306592.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Slip Slidin' Away](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUODdPpnxcA)" by Paul Simon.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Kurumu flew up to Mizore, who was lounging in the open doorway of the newspaper club-room.

"Why did you cover the hallway floor in ice?" Kurumu asked.

"So that Tsukune will slip and— literally— fall into my arms!" Mizore said.

As if on cue, Tsukune slid past and crashed into the end of the hallway. "aaaaAAAAaaaa— * _WHAM_ *!!

"You might have used too much ice," Kurumu said.

"Mmm," said Mizore.

Moka also slid past and crashed into Tsukune at the end of the hallway. "eeeeEEEEeeee— * _WHAM_ *!!

"On the other hand," Kurumu said, "this definitely has entertainment value."

"Mmm," Mizore said again.


	23. Snowglobes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-May-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[snowglobes](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3324655.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains extremely cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Moka and Kurumu stood at a wintry window and watched Mizore roll up two large snowballs.

"Is she making a snowman?" Moka asked. "Or maybe those are two heads wearing tiny hats."

"Moka? Sweetie?" Kurumu said. "Those aren't hats. Those are nipples."

"Oh dear," said Moka. "Wouldn't most female delinquents make MALE genitalia in the snow, rather than their own boobs?"

"Those aren't for her benefit, or ours," Kurumu said. "Tsukune can also see her boobs from his room."

"I'm just Mizore's heterosexual friend," Moka thought out loud, "but she DOES have really nice boobs."

"Oh, absolutely," Kurumu agreed readily.


	24. Ceiling Mizore Is Watching You Masturbate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Jun-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[don't forget me](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3326885.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> [She really is](http://fav.me/d7arcys).
> 
> This contains near-explicit adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tsukune snuggled up in his futon and began to fall asleep.

"Good night," Mizore said unexpectedly.

Tsukune opened his eyes, and found Mizore watching him through a missing ceiling panel.

"Please don't watch me like that," Tsukune said.

"You didn't mind my watching you LAST night," Mizore said.

Tsukune gulped. "You mean, you were watching me while?..."

"By the way," Mizore said, "You're welcome to watch ME play with myself any time you like."

Tsukune stared up at her in sheer disbelief.

"You need more self-relief after hearing me say that, don't you," an amused Mizore asked.

"Yep," Tsukune admitted.


	25. Haremgate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Jul-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[now is the time of monsters](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3327585.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Ruby was on duty at the school gates when Tsukune ran past her at top speed.

"Slow down!!" Ruby shouted after him. "Why are you running!? You're not late—"

The other girls, in pursuit of Tsukune, crashed into Ruby with the sound of a bowling ball striking pins.

"Oh," a dazed Ruby said. "Given how much pain I'm in, it's a good thing I'm a masochist."

"Owie," Moka agreed.

"At least our delinquent _yukionna_ came to school on time," Kurumu said.

"Yes," Mizore said from under the pile of girls, "but I'll need to be taken to the nurse's office."


	26. Winter Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Aug-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[here ice water babbles among the apple branches and musk roses have overshadowed all the ground; here down from the leaves' bright flickering entracement settles](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains brief adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tsukune was trudging to school one winter morning when Mizore caught up with him and took his arm. "Good morning," she said. "It sure is a nice day, isn't it?"

"Well..." Tsukune looked around him. "The sky is overcast, the trees are dormant, and the path is full of slush and mud. I know you're a _yukionna_ , but it's still a dreary winter day."

Mizore squeezed his arm. "But it's nice," she said, "because we're together."

"Well, gosh," a touched Tsukune said. "That's really sweet—"

"So," Mizore said eagerly, "can we [go make a baby](http://fav.me/d21bshw) later?"

"Moment ruined," Tsukune noted.


	27. The Uncommon Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Sep-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the cold only kills](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains weird cruel humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Mizore walked up to Kurumu with a box of tissues. "What's wrong, sweetie?" Kurumu asked.

"Oh, I'm not crying," Mizore said. "I just caught a really bad summer cold."

Kurumu blinked in confusion. "Wait— what? I didn't know a _yukionna_ could catch a cold."

"Actually," Mizore said, " _yukionna_ colds can be extremely dangerous— or even deadly."

"Wait— WHAT?" Kurumi cried. "Why are you here—"

Mizore suddenly sneezed loudly. "* _ATCHOO!!_ *"

She blew her nose, and found that she had "sneezed" a huge block of solid ice around Kurumu.

"Dangerous or deadly," Mizore said, "but not for ME."

"* _helllllp meeeee_ *" Kurumu whimpered.


	28. In Cold Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Oct-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[something vacant settles in us](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Tsukune found Kurumu and Mizore in the newspaper club-room. "Where's Moka?" he asked.

"She was too 'hungry' to wait for you," Kurumu said, "and she 'fed' on Mizore instead."

"Oh," Tsukune said. "I'm relieved to hear that, and also a little jealous. But where is she?"

Kurumu pointed to a far corner of the room. Tsukune turned, and found Moka staring at him from behind a chair.

"I didn't know that stalking was a blood-borne contagion," Tsukune said.

"She might just be stalking because of peer pressure," Mizore said.

"WHO is pressuring EITHER of YOU to stalk ME!?" Tsukune cried.


	29. Tsukune's Lil Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Nov-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[monsters and angels](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329779.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains anachronistic mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Mizore met up with Tsukune at a school dance. The _yukionna_ was wearing [short multicolored twin-tails, heavy makeup, a badly-torn jersey, short-shorts and fish-nets](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=Suicide+Squad+Harley+Quinn&ia=images&iax=images).

"Wow," Tsukune said. "You look even more dangerous than usual."

"I thought you'd like a 'bad girl' look," Mizore said, "since you've befriended so many monster girls."

"It 'works' for me," Tsukune admitted, "but you shouldn't dress for ME. You should be yourself, and dress for yourself."

"Well," Mizore said seductively, "I've always wanted to get a tattoo on my—"

"THAT'S NICE," Tsukune said awkwardly.

"And I might get a piercing in my—"

"THAT'S NICE TOO."


	30. Cold Hands, Warm Heart (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Dec-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[rosy cheeks and cold hands](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3330148.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Tsukune passed Mizore's desk after the last class of the day. Mizore was sitting with her elbows on her desk and her head in her hands.

"Aren't you leaving?" Tsukune asked.

"I can't," Mizore said. "I slouched too long and froze my hands to my face." She tugged at her hands to no avail.

"Seriously?" Tsukune asked. "Do you need the nurse?"

"Nah," Mizore said. "They'll pull free in a few minutes."

"Well, I'll stay until you're OK." Tsukune sat next to her.

"Thanks, Tsukune," said Mizore. "I'd hug you, but that'd TEAR OFF MY FACE."

"Understood," Tsukune said nervously.


	31. Cold Hands, Warm Heart (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Dec-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[how frost grows](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3330148.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This doesn't really follow the prompt— I started to write a frostbite joke with Mizore, but it turned into harem shenanigans.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

As Moka and Tsukune walked to school, they met up with Mizore, who grabbed Tsukune's hand.

"Mizore!" said Tsukune. "Don't do that!"

"Oh, I don't mind," Moka said sweetly, "as long as I can play too." She grabbed his other hand.

And then, they met up with an expectant Kurumu.

"Uh oh," said Tsukune.

—

Tsukune hopped up to Ruby along with the girls. Kurumu was holding his left ankle.

"Girls!" Ruby said sternly. "Release Tsukune this instant!"

"THANK you—" Tsukune started to say.

Ruby opened her [emergency handcuffs](http://www.ma3comic.com/strips-ma3/Emergency_handcuffs) and attached herself to Tsukune. "It's MY turn!" she declared.

Tsukune whimpered.


	32. Cold Hands, Warm Heart (part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Dec-2017; drama/humor/romance?; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[drifting through winter](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3330148.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains adult themes and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tsukune was asleep in his futon, but he was tense and talking in his sleep. "No... no... no..."

And then, he suddenly woke up with a gasp and a cold shiver. "GAH!!"

"Tsukune? What's wrong?" Mizore asked as she held him from behind.

"GAH!!" a startled Tsukune said with another cold shiver.

"Were you having a nightmare?" a genuinely concerned Mizore asked.

"Yeah," Tsukune said. "I was lost in a blizzard, freezing to death and fighting to stay awake."

"Goodness," Mizore said. "I wonder what gave you that nightmare?"

Tsukune gave her an "oh, come ON" look.

Mizore giggled. "Oh, right."

"It isn't funny!" Tsukune said angrily. "You scared me half to death!"

"I can't help it," Mizore said. "I'm a monster girl. Scaring humans half to death is what I DO."

"In the HUMAN world, sneaking into my bed like this is SEXUAL ASSAULT!!" Tsukune shouted.

Mizore's face fell. "You're seriously angry?... I'm sorry, Tsukune. I guess I had better leave—"

Tsukune sighed, and then smiled. "No, I'm sorry. You're my friend, and I shouldn't yell at you."

Mizore embraced him tightly. "Thanks, Tsukune! You're the best!"

"GAH!!" Tsukune said yet again. "REALLY COLD HANDS IN REALLY PRIVATE PLACES!!"


	33. Poles Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Jan-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[it's a wicked world in all meridians](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3331131.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[Poles Apart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ciWB7VykII)" by Pink Floyd.

Tsukune and Moka walked past a tree from which Mizore was not-so-secretly stalking Tsukune.

"You seem to have come to accept Mizore's constant attention," Moka said to Tsukune.

"I realized that a _yukionna_ would be eager to follow me to the ends of the Earth," Tsukune said.

"Why is that?" Moka asked.

"Because the meridians end at the North Pole and the South Pole."

"Good point," Moka agreed.

They passed another tree— and Mizore was standing behind it again.

Moka did a double-take. "Wait— how did she pass us!?"

"It's best not to worry about it," a resigned Tsukune said.


	34. Revealing Unsealing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Jan-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[no more my splintered heart](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3331131.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains extremely gratuitous partial nudity. Reader discretion is advised.

"Mizore?" asked Tsukune. "Why do you wear that belt below your skirt?"

"If you really want to know, grab it and pull on it," Mizore said.

"Alright." Tsukune carefully pulled the belt away from Mizore's thigh— and it came off in his hand.

Mizore suddenly disappeared in a tiny cyclone of snow. "Does this belt seal your full powers, like Moka's rosario!?" Tsukune cried.

Mizore's "Magical Girl Transformation" ended, leaving her in her underwear. "Nah," she said casually. "It just removes my clothing."

Tsukune face-palmed.

"What!?" Mizore said indignantly. "A girl never knows when she'll have to provide some fan-service."


	35. The One That Doesn't Suck So Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Mar-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[people suck, but a person can be extraordinary](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3333751.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[The One That Doesn't Suck So Bad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQgY4aFUNvI)" by Barry Mitchell.
> 
> This contains near-explicit adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Mizore was trying to convince Tsukune to choose her over the other girls.

"Look at it this way," Mizore said. "The other girls SUCK— LITERALLY. If you choose Moka the vampire, she'll suck your blood, and if you choose Kurumu the succubus, she'll suck your life-force."

Tsukune regarded her skeptically. "And if I hypothetically asked Ruby to be my girlfriend?"

Mizore was thoughtful. "Well, given that she's your self-proclaimed love slave, she'd probably suck your—"

"MIZORE!!" cried Tsukune.

"Of course," Mizore said, "if you'd just give ME a chance, I'd be perfectly happy to suck your—"

"MIZORE!!" Tsukune cried again.


	36. Get The Picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Apr-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[he burned the photos just to be safe](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3336873.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after V1C4 of the manga or S1E6 of the anime.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Mizore handed an 8x10 photo folder to Tsukune. "Here's a picture of me for you," Mizore said.

"Oh, thanks." Tsukune opened the folder— and held back a nosebleed. "WOW!! Who took THIS!?"

"Gin," said Mizore. "I felt sorry for him after he had to destroy his peeping pictures, and so I commissioned some glamour photography."

"You're too forgiving," Tsukune said. "Still, Gin has talent. This is a professional-quality boudoir portrait."

"Unfortunately, " Mizore said, "this first shot was the only 'keeper'."

"Really?" Tsukune asked. "Why?"

"Gin stood too close to me," the _yukionna_ explained, "and his camera lens frosted over."


	37. Getting Laid To Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 17-May-2018; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[flowers grow where I'm laid to rest](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3337647.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult themes and adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tsukune found Mizore tending one of the countless small graveyards near the academy.

"I wasn't expecting to find you here," Tsukune said. "Are your ancestors buried here?"

"No," Mizore said, "but I've always liked this cemetery. I'd like to be buried here myself."

"C'mon, Mizore," said Tsukune. "You're way too young for that kind of talk."

"Life is short," Mizore said softly. "Compared to most monsters, a human lifespan is short... and so is a _yukionna_ lifespan."

Tsukune gave Mizore a friendly hug.

"And that's why we need to have sex RIGHT NOW," Mizore added.

Tsukune backed away from Mizore.


End file.
